A Rational Fear

I was inspired to write this poem a few months ago because I get scared very easily, and  my friend and I were talking about how interesting it is that so many people are afraid of the dark…

I’m 20 and I’m afraid of the dark.
You’d think after all those horror films I’d get over it,
but every time the sun goes out I can’t help but think of the creatures that are moving just out of sight.

I’m 20 and I still sleep with my teddy bear.
Some nights he’s suffocated by the ocean of blankets that wash over him,
and my arms, like the hungry current, holding him down.
Other nights he shivers on the floor as my own irrational fears of my teddy turning into something he’s not haunt my dreams.

I’m 20 and I listen to music while falling asleep,
so my mind can’t paint graphic possibilities for every creaking stair and whispering wind.
Some day I hope to fall asleep without Teddy or music.
To be grown up,
and tell my mind to go sit in a corner and think about what its done.

I’m 21 and I’m afraid of the dark.

© Autumn Micketti

Planes, Trains, and Amsterdam

So during my recent adventure my travel buddy and I ran into some problems when we moved to different countries. We created our own version of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Every time the two of us got ready to move to a new location something blew up in our faces causing us to stress about how we were going to get to our destination.
The first time this happened, we were in the Amsterdam airport, going on no sleep, and waiting for our plane that was an hour late. While trying to keep myself together I wrote this…

It’s interesting how
Sleep deprivation
Airports
and foreign countries can turn you into a wailing three old
who wants her mommy.

There have only been a few times that I’ve felt this homesick.
So sick that my very soul aches.
Once being when I spent my first night in Paris with two girls I had gone to school with but didn’t know beyond that.
It took some effort to force down the tears that wanted to come up,
but I’ve always been good at forcing down unwanted emotions.

My day has been long and uncomfortable.
Starting off at 8:20am with a shower
and a quiet game of hangman over a cup of tea.
Then an even quieter drive to the airport
as we tried to ignore the fact that we were leaving the country.
A quiet lunch. Stomachs barely willing to keep it down.
A goodbye that I didn’t want to end,
but had to let go and suck down the feelings welling up inside.

Several times I wanted to run away.
Run to the garage, jump into the car and drive home.
Who thought this was a good idea?
Me.
It’s hard to step back and admire how amazing an opportunity this is.
I can’t get my brain to stop bringing up home.
I want to sleep, but I know I shouldn’t.
Why do I think all of my advice is easy to follow?
I think of all these great adventures and ideas,
part of me knowing I’ll never do them.
Then if it happens I want to runaway,
back to complaining about how boring my life is.

What is wrong with me?
Nothing I guess… I just hate airplanes.
And I’m a scared little girl who wants her mommy.

© Autumn Micketti

A Midnight Starvation

Here’s another poem that I wrote while I was wwoofing in Ireland, feedback is always welcome!

I’m so hungry
The empty hole in my stomach gets bigger and bigger by the second
leaving room for a starving swallow to create her nest.
Carrying wood and sticks
she carefully wraps their fingers together,
creating a maze of leaves that the bugs are drawn to.
The dirt begins to pile on my chest as the drilling starts.
Giant stacks of blood red earth grow larger every second,
burying me in my bed.
My body is shaken by the vibrating worms
as their hunger rakes through my limbs,
picking out every living cell and consuming it whole.
The starvation continues,
making me feel weak and helpless.
Thoughts of delicious creations run through my distorted mind
until the bugs dig in and make it rot.
I’m so hungry my toes and fingers are screaming with need.
Anything to stop the pain of a thousand drilling organisms
that are ravaging my body.
Food never comes.
Not until the morning bird crows and awakes the sleepy eyes.
By then it’s too late.
The crawling spiders
and biting mosquitoes have sucked me dry
so my cheeks are hollow,
and my lips are chapped.
The hunger has torn me apart,
and not even a piece of wonder bread can bring me back.

© Autumn Micketti

Natural Building, Glamping, and Normandy

Hello all, I really want to spread the word about this wonderful place that has come into being. When I was in Normandy, France last month I was staying with a friend of a friend who is creating his own sustainable homestead. He is turning his property into a place for campers and those who wish to learn more about natural building.

I would really love it if you took the time to check out his website lapetitefenetre.com and also spread the word if you think you know someone that would be interested.

Thanks!

Something new….

Hello again! I apologize for the large gap between my last post and this one, I’ve been quite busy with life. I recently just got back from a two month trip in Europe where I was wwoofing, adventuring, and meeting new people.
I wanted to post some of the poetry that I wrote during this trip, and I would love feedback if you’re willing.

This was written in Ireland during the first leg of our journey, it has no title as of yet…

I remember sitting alone in my room,
shuffling a pack of cards until my fingers grew blisters.

I can do a bridge now.

My fingers do it from memory.
The familiar flick of card against skin a welcome touch,
rather than a painful pinch.
I like the old decks best.
The ones who’s corners are torn and fraying.
Their backs bend easily and without fuss.
It’s just another day at the office.
The silky new cards slide around on my fingers,
confused like a lost traveler in a foreign country.
Bending the wrong way like an unruly toddler that only wants attention.

Whenever the flick of cards raps against the table I’m immediately overtaken by memories of blanket forts and mac and cheese.
Of hours spent playing cards because we weren’t into video games.
The moment when we went from saying B.S. to Bull Shit and not caring that people heard.

The memories of many airports,
filled with rushing people.
A game of solitaire keeping the stress and anxiety out of my head.
The flash lit card games in thin walled tents that were filled with muffled giggles and many yawns.
The cards sliding around on the soft sleeping bags, blocking someone’s view.

It’s one of the easiest ways to break the ice.
Ruffle a pack of cards and spread them out.
Pick a card, any card.
Bringing up the image of a wide eyed girl who thought it was actual magic and not a small trick being performed.
I would be a magician if I did card tricks to a young audience.
Their large eyes never catching the other finger that slides across the table to catch a jack and hide it away for later.

Cards should be taken everywhere.
School
Work
Travel
You’ll meet new people.
Strengthen new bonds.
Refresh old friendships.
Where ever it may be, the flick of cards will always remind me of sitting on my bedroom floor,
and shuffling over and over
and over and over
and over and over
and over and over again

© Autumn Micketti

The Rebound… but not really

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that nearly every romantic comedy (conceived in Hollywood) has the same predictable formula. The protagonist is in love with his/her best friend or realizes that they are a quarter of the way through the film. The lovesick character struggles with these feelings until they can no longer stand it and confess, usually in the rain, and, predictably, get rejected. The film then goes into the “dark stage” the protagonist is depressed and feels like his/her life is over. This continues until the best friend shows up and delivers a long monologue about how he/she misses them, how they’ve had time to think, and how they love the protagonist too. They share a deep, long anticipated, kiss, and the movie ends.
Another well known plot is the hate turns to love formula, also known as the Pride and Prejudice. Two people hate each other, either they’ve hated one another for awhile or they met briefly and the first impression was not a good one. The two are thrown into a situation that causes them to spend a lot of time together. During this time they get to know each other, realize they have a lot in common and eventually fall in love. Blah, blah, blah. It’s predictable and boring. Every audience member knows what’s going to happen and still pays nearly $10 to see it.

When I watched the Rebound I was expecting the usual Hollywood romantic comedy formula. The movie started off with the first generic plot twist, Sandy (Catherine Zeta-Jones) finds out that her husband cheated on her. Divorce, packing, and a new apartment in New York City follow. Cue adorable 24 year old who just got divorced from his French wife who was using him to get a green card and who he still can’t get over. Sandy hires Aram Finklestein (Justin Bartha) as her nanny, who could deny those blue eyes and adorable smile? Aram becomes a part of the family, but soon becomes more of a father than a nanny (hence the title). Sandy and Aram hook up, culminating in a hilarious scene in which Sandy’s son, Frank, interrupts the couples love making.

It isn’t until later that the film proves how it’s not a generic Hollywood film. Sandy finds out she’s pregnant and tells Aram, and instead of freaking out and running away, he is excited and supportive. It is not until they visit the doctor and find out that Sandy had had an ectopic pregnancy that the shit hits the fan. Sandy receives a huge wake up call, breaks off with Aram and the two go their own separate ways. At this point, in other Hollywood rom-com’s, there would have been a misunderstanding, a wrong assumption, or failed communication, which would have lead to an argument, which would have lead to a breakup. I love that the writer chose a different route. Having Sandy let go of Aram and the two of them going different ways allowed the audience to see a different kind of love story. For the rest of the film we see Aram and Sandy living their lives without each other. Aram has amazing adventures in Europe and Africa while Sandy gets promoted to anchor woman at the channel she works for. We see Sandy’s kids grow up. Aram and Sandy having fleeting relationships. Until it all circles around and the two of them run into each other at a restaurant five years later, finding that their love is still there.

I love how very realistic this film is. It tells a love story that isn’t often told, maybe because Hollywood doesn’t think it has enough drama to attract an audience. I really enjoyed the Rebound because I become extremely frustrated while watching romantic comedies because of the stupidity of many of the characters, their lack of communication, and the fact that they always seem to proud to open up and just tell people how they are actually feeling rather than walking out. I highly recommend the Rebound to everyone who hasn’t seen it. You will laugh, you will awe or gag at the mushy-gushy romantic scenes, and you will have a different kind of love to think about when you go to sleep. The kind that can be dormant and then rekindled in a moment.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky is quickly rising to become one of my favorite books. I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking for an easy yet thought provoking read. I read it just as I was finishing high school, and found that it was fairly easy to relate to, although my high school experience wasn’t nearly intense as the main character’s, Charlie, was. I found the story very interesting, and I enjoyed Chbosky choice to turn it into an epistolary novel, which, in my opinion, lets the reader in more because we know every thought that goes through the protagonist’s head.

I admit it took me awhile to make the connection that Charlie was mentally unstable. I read most of the book believing that Charlie was just an awkward, shy kid who wasn’t very good at socializing with people, (very relatable in my case). Near the end of the novel, however, I realized that there was something more to it. Although Charlie smoked pot, took LSD, broke a girl’s heart, and several boys’ noses, he continued to keep this childish innocence that threw me off. How could someone who’s gone through all of these “grown up” situations still look at the world through the eyes of a child? It all became clear to me at the end. Charlie was suffering from a traumatic experience that had happened to him when he was barely five years old, and it had taken him a long time and a few triggering experiences to make him remember what had happened.

I remember talking to my friend after we had both finished the book. The two of us were slightly confused about what had happened. Charlie had been having a meltdown of some kind and then woke up in the hospital, without much memory of what had happened. It wasn’t until my friend and I watched the recent movie adaptation of the book that we finally understood. Charlie had been molested by his aunt who had come to stay with them when he was younger, until his aunt was hit by a car and killed. Charlie loved his aunt very much, she was his favorite person in the world, so his subconscious pushed these weird uncomfortable memories to the back of his mind until he found them again. This realization clarified much for me. I finally understood the reasoning behind Charlie’s mental breakdown and it broke my heart. His mind was still that of the child who didn’t understand what his aunt was doing to him, and promised to keep it a secret even if he didn’t much like it, because he loved his aunt more than anything. It gave a more tangible feel to the story, even if it made me slightly sick.

I definitely suggest that you read The Perks of Being a Wallflower first, and then watch the movie, it will help the book make more sense, and give you a more cathartic experience.

 

TED Talk: Fifty Shades of Gay

A friend of mine showed me this video recently which I found extremely inspiring, and I believe that everyone should see it because I think it will help minds to change.
iO Tillett Wright is a photographer who decided to take photos of individuals in the U.S. who don’t consider themselves 100% straight. It seems like a rather simple idea that’s not going to do much, but when these photos are shown to the people of America who are voting against gay marriage and LGBT rights they will be able to see the faces of the people they are taking those unalienable rights from, and I think that is genius. It proves to the population that we are all people and whether we’re gay, straight, or none of the above we all deserve the same rights.
Please watch this video and pass it on, it may change someone’s mind.

iO Tillett Wright: Fifty Shades of Gay

Rhodeside Attractions

This post has one purpose, and one purpose only. To promote Kim Rhodes blog. I have become quite a fan of Kim Rhodes over the years. She was in one of my favorite plays at one of my favorite theatres, she’s been on one of my favorite TV shows, and, wonder of wonders, she did her undergrad at the same university as I did. Needless to say, I think she’s a pretty cool person. Not only that, but I think she has some pretty interesting and important things to say. So, I encourage you to go check out Rhodeside Attractions, and you might even learn a thing or two.

Snow White and the Seven… Wait, What?

I will immediately admit that I am not a fan of Kristen Stewart and originally had no intention of watching Snow White and the Huntsman. Upon realizing that was my family’s intention in sitting down in front of the television, I acquiesced fairly readily, slightly curious to see this movie that had garnered an Oscar nomination for Best Visual Effects. Let me say now, the visual effects were the best part of the movie.

When I first became aware of the sudden upswing in fairytale remakes, I admit I was interested. Once Upon A Time, Snow White And The Huntsman, Mirror Mirror, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Grimm, Alice In Wonderland, the list goes on. However, my question was, if you’re going to pick a fairytale to rewrite as a feminine power story (as was so clearly the attempt with SWATH), why choose Snow White And The Seven Dwarves? Honestly, it’s not one of my favorites and probably least lends itself to the modern retelling. In the original story Snow White is the picture of passive innocence, she takes no action except to run away, and everything that happens to her happens because she is pretty. The Queen is jealous of her beauty and sends the Huntsman to kill her; the Huntsman spares her because she’s pretty; she runs away and is taken in by seven dwarves because she’s pretty; the prince shows up out of the blue, kisses her, saves her, marries her, all because she’s pretty. Where is the inspiration for a Joan of Arc style revenge story? Throughout the entirety of this fairytale Snow White is at the mercy of other people.

In the movie itself the attempt to turn Snow White into a symbol of feminine power was weak. Logic was swept aside in an effort to make her ‘badass’ and capable of any death defying daring-do. She was locked in a dungeon for a majority of her life and then managed not only to manufacture a perfect escape, but to overcome both the Queen’s guards and her magic. No thought was given to the psychological or physical effects of being alone in a dark room for over a decade, nor was she given much opportunity to express herself or her motivation for escape and/or revenge. It was all taken for granted. The writers essentially created a Mary Sue who could ride a horse and wield a sword. Kristen Stewart probably had the fewest lines in the entire film, and the character was given no chance to speak her mind, to come to terms with her abuse, or to identify herself. Every piece of information the audience learned about Snow White came from other characters, all men.

Despite the effort to make a movie with a female protagonist there was really only one other female character in the entire film: The Queen. While I am of the opinion that Charlize Theron’s acting is far superior to Kristen Stewart’s, her character was also given 10 times more depth. The Queen was given flaws, motivation, relationship, and moments of reflection, none of which Snow White received. The Queen had the power, literally and figuratively, and was the one who changed, grew, and evolved. And while I appreciated the fact that ‘true love’ was not forced on Snow White at the end, the bait-and-switch set up was heavy handed and could be seen a mile away. Neither interesting to watch nor satisfying to conclude.

Needless to say, I will not be seeing this again, nor do a heartily recommend it to anyone else. What I do recommend is watching Once Upon A Time, however you manage to find it.